Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A little self indulgence

when it comes in the form of a nice bottle of red at just the right temperature; a once a year massage on holiday; an especially nice coffee with a friend, well those are all wonderful things that you can't possibly object to. I do, however, object to the self indulgence of mine today, more than a little wallowing.

Ella and I were sick with gastro for a few days starting on Geoff's birthday, which was March 31st. That then went to a cold/cough/chest thing for me which lasted weeks. The girls have now been sick for a week and Leila has a full on watery eyes, not happy, running nose, constantly grizzly thing. Ella has to be really sick before she gives in, her cold hasn't really gotten any worse than snuffles. Today I have reached my limits and I feel really crappy about it. It's been a month of everyone being off and I feel completely spent. I have zero patience and zero energy - in fact I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I go to work for the distraction.

Times like this make me feel like the worst mother in Melbourne, lacking in enough empathy, selfish, you name it, I heap it all on myself. I need to rise above these feelings I know, but sometimes you just can't help but allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself. I do love the colder weather, completely love it over summer, but this year it's become more of an issue having the two girls indoors when both are champing to be constantly outside. Last year Leila was small enough that it didn't matter, Ella and I could go on with things regardless while she slept, but this year with Leila not quite old enough for crafts, aside from the destruction of anything Ella makes and the distribution of all paints, papers and sparkles to all corners of the house, it does not always end well for all concerned.

I'm a big list person and I really think I need to plan my days a little better this colder season. I need to have a plan in mind for my day and always include getting out with the girls, for all our sanity. On the back of the last month it's become easy to just try and take it easy - but it doesn't work out that way so I should just get up and get out, anywhere, into the fresh air because fresh air always seems to bring a fresh state of mind.

Sorry to whine, feel free to share your moments with me when you're at your absolute worst. Whenever a girlfriend of mine tells me stories of bad moments she's had I usually say "I'm sorry you're having a rough day, but it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one".

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

I'm with you on this Victoria! It's so hard when you are all ill and run down and being stuck inside due to the weather is no fun at all. Poor you, it's really hard work.

When Olive was one she started nursery and that winter was tough, back to back illness for all of us. This year I've been taking zinc and vitamin C supplements and it's really helped boost my immune system.

I know what you mean about those days when you are stuck inside, you plan activities but sometimes before you've even got the materials set up the whingies set in and you just feel cross and think why do I bother?!! And that's just with one child!

I'm finding this harder now that Olive is older. When she was little and we were all sick she'd sleep loads, and during the day I would too, so my batteries would get recharged quicker. Now however, that doesn't happen, and especially after a bout of illness, we often feel we are running on empty. I find myself wishing my mum was just around the corner far more now than I did when she was a baby!

You definitely need some self indulgence of the type you began your post with. I hope you all feel better soon. And remember - you are a wonderful mother!