37

Life's been busy. School and kinder for the girls, work for us. Lunch at Heide was lovely, a long visit to Wattle Park, new tennis shoes for the big girl, new jeans for both. The bigger ones in this house into series 3 of The Tudors, together with Generation Kill. Reading Julie and Julia, which is nowhere near as good as the film, listening to Kate Miller-Heidke and Julia and Angus Stone. Life's good.

PS Apologies for the lack of links in this post, another thing we need to do is increase our monthly broadband allowance so the last week isn't a painful wait on everything.

36

In my fantasy life, the one where I can be anything I dream of, in that life I am super organised. I have a crafting/creating studio (read organised room), where everything has its place and is kept in that place. My WIPs are in marked ziplock bags, all stacked nicely in baskets and I methodically work through them, ticking them off the list that is pinned neatly on my wall as I go.

I have numerous doll body pieces and clothing all cut out in advance of custom orders. Again, all in nice zip lock bags, ready to go.

In reality, in the life that is really mine, I am still to finish off clothing for a Poppy doll for a dear baby who arrived in December. This one is different, she's excited and hence she's throwing her arms up in the air (read, I sewed them on upside and am too lazy to unpick!). Hippo is finished, from a pattern I made myself, but just needs some labelling. I also have two custom orders for my dolls, which I must make a start on today. My studio is our dining room table, and all my WIPs are stuffed into one big bag and pulled out as required. I cut, pin and sew amongst folded washing and school and kinder notices. Real life is never quite like the fantasy is it!

35

I'm struggling with work at the moment, there's a situation I can't do anything to change, and I don't handle that well. I don't shirk away from speaking up for myself, saying out loud what perhaps others would try to avoid or ignore, but I've done that, a number of times, and I'm not sure what else I can now do. I have written and rewritten this post in an effort to explain what's going on, but honestly, it just sounded like waffle. It's just one of those situations that causes real angst when you're not at work and I hate that permeating of work into homelife, particularly when I'm only there 2 days a week, so to me that says it's time something changed. The problem is that I've identified the problem, asked for a solution, have been promised one, on a number of occasions, and nothing's changed. So, what next ....

The ceramics above are some of my favourites, all functional, not all new, but all special. There is a coffee cup from London, a handthrown latte cup from Stockholm, a bowl from Antwerp, another coffee cup from Mud in Healesville and a yellow bowl and the jug from my sister in laws old family holiday house - old pieces of either her aunt or her grandmother.

I must away, today is both my MIL's birthday and my dear, dear Lena's 40th - so I have some errands to finish off for both.

34

What are your cakes tins, muffin trays and biscuit sheets like? Are they like my mother in laws - spotless, not a bit of baked on stuff, as if they were new aside from the fact that they're not quite flat, a little dinted here and there. Or are yours like mine, clearly never cleaned properly, darker in some spots where I simply didn't scrub hard enough, and then non stick but shiny in spots where I've scrubbed too hard. I do wish I was the sort of person who kept my pots and pans spotless, but I fear that I'm a lazy washer and in too much of a hurry to do a really good job!

33

I seemed to be moving a lot today, but it was taking me forever to get things done. One thing I couldn't avoid, however, was making some of our tomatoes into a sauce for the freezer. Homemade sauce never turns out red like the bought ones, or perhaps it's that mine is really cooked, and also perhaps that they were mainly Black Russian tomatoes, which do have a shade of brown about them.

Anyway, it couldn't wait, they were super ripe and the sauce is delicious. I think perhaps I'll use it in a lasagne for tomorrow. I could eat it right now, I've forgotten to eat today! Must go and put that right.

32

I have loved this ladie's work for a while but confess I've never even tried to buy one of her pieces. I'm no good at tuning in on a set day at a set day for a few items that are on sale, so I figured I'd give it a shot myself. I'm afraid the photo is rather rubbish, but you get the idea. Such fun making small quick things like this. I do love her pinecones, but not sure how I'd begin those!

Have a lovely day tomorrow with your loved ones.

31

Firstly, thank you to everyone for your supportive words on my last post. My funk only lasted a day, but in the scheme of things it's enough wasted hours isn't it. Everyone had such supportive thoughts and as I said to a few of you, putting it out there, having someone else not only validate how you feel but say "you know what, I feel that way too", it makes you feel less alone.

Don't you feel that's what we're all looking for - as much as we want to be individuals, we also really want to connect with others and be understood? I remember in my teens being really surprised when I discovered panty liners, I was relieved because I thought it was just me who needed to use something like that - I was so happy to know that there must be others like me!

So life is well and truly back to routine now, and a highlight of that for the girls (and me if I'm honest), is Friday movie night. So tonight, homemade nuggets, chips and carrot sticks, to be followed by fruit salad and ice cream. Tonight's feature, Alice in Wonderland. For the adults Japanese mirin chicken with snowpeas and sushi rice, a bottle of Coldstream Pinot and perhaps a piece or two of chocolate. The adult feature - Wolverine - I love a trashy action flick!

PS When I was feeling so blue I read back through Leila's baby journal and amongst the many things I was reminded of was that I gained 22kg in my second pregnancy! 22kg!!!! Now I don't mind that because I didn't do anything differently and feel that everyone's body is so different it doesn't help to compare. My gosh though, imagine trying to lose that much weight in your 40's - I'm amazed I lost it in my 30's!!

30

Remembering January 2007

I've been struck by a bout of melancholy today. A combination of things, mostly hormonal, something which occurs for me very irregularly these days, so always catches me by surprise. I'm wallowing today, more than a little, which I really dislike.

I have been thinking about how quickly the girls are growing and with Leila being our second and last child, I'm all too aware of every landmark of hers being the last that we will experience with a child of our own. The decision to not have more is ours, we both agree that we are too old and too stretched to manage more, but however much I understand and agree with that, I still feel a very unexpected and strong reaction against it. I can see why others go back for more at this point, but am also aware that wouldn't be the right decision for us.

If I'm honest as well, I am thinking selfishly of what my life will be when both girls are at school. I know I'm jumping ahead as that's two years away until Leila is at school, but I've spent a lifetime putting off the decisions that really count, like making my working life accountable to me, so the idea that there are only two more years before I no longer have an excuse, well, I find that daunting. Aaargh and it's hot, when it's hot and you mix in some melancholy, no good comes of it! Ignore me, I'm being self indulgent.

I best pack up the frozen quelches and get Leila from kinder, make the most of those moments.

29

We took the girls to see the Ron Mueck exhibition at the NGV today. You should definitely go, his work is AMAZING. We saw one of the pieces at the Tate Modern, but together, wow, they are mind blowingly real. It's the sort of thing where you can't stop saying "how does he do that?". The hairs on the legs, the way they lie in different directions in different areas, the veins just below the surface, everything sooooo real. Some pieces were life sized, some about quarter sized and others gigantic, but all perfectly, perfectly proportioned and faultless.

I liked this one the best, although it's not a great shot, but the only one with other visitors in the shot. The contrast from a distance, of the "real" figure with the natural ones, the twigs, just worked for me.

Geoff liked the nana the best, thought it was almost too lifelike.

This guy was so gorgeous, despite his boo boo (Leila's words) - he was about quarter life size and everything so perfect, the jeans, "his undies are sticking out mum", the ways he's holding his hands and his hair looked so fluffy you wanted to give it a rub.

28

Every time I grab a few minutes to surf around various blogs, I mean to keep my notebook beside me so I can remember where I see all the recipes, patterns and crafts I mean to try, at some point. Occasionally I remember to tag things as favourites, but other times I think "I'll remember that".

The other day I came across a recipe for lemon, almond and cumin (or was it coriander) muffins, they sounded delicious. My approach towards the recipe's location on this occasion was "I'll remember that", which of course I didn't and haven't. So, I don't know if it was ground cumin or coriander, so I tried cumin, but not really enough to taste. I added flaked almonds, although I'm unsure if the recipe had ground almonds in them. The flakes weighed my guys down, hence the flat tops. I also didn't have enough lemons, so used some lime zest as well.

They're nice, although lacking. Next time I'd add something to plump them out, sour cherries plumped in a little syrup would be delicious folded through. If you've seen a recipe anywhere that sounds vaguely like this, let me know.

27

I've got new shoes (and dirty floors). I'm sharing this fact with you because I do love a good bargain. I am notoriously hard on my shoes. I love flats but wear orthotics so they have to be wide enough with a high enough back to take them.

I bought Leila a pair of Walnut shoes recently as every day shoes for kinder. She loved them and so did I. Imagine my joy when I found out that make for the ladies also. Best bit, they're not only comfy, they're under $40.00! That means I can throw them out when they get stinky, which my shoes always do. I am getting two more pairs as soon as the postie comes again!

26

Two more Poppy dolls - this time for my own living dolls. Green haired babe, whose name is apparently Ruby, is Leila's. Why is it that green and orange are such good companions? The babe in pink (the one with the wide set eyes!) is still to be named, and she belongs to Ella Bella. I'm still to finish a third for Baby Tuesday, who is about 6 weeks old now, but I figure she's still young enough to forgive me the delay.

Separately, I received a Beautiful Bloggers award from a relatively new blog called Life and the Memoirs. Thank you so much for thinking of me! In return I was asked to share 7 interesting facts about myself. I struggle with this type of thing because I honestly don't think I'm that interesting, but I've tried to dreg up some good stuff that I haven't mentioned before.

1. I have been proposed to three times, although none were my husband and I've only been married once.
2. I love to compliment others, honestly and from the heart in the hope that they believe me and feel special as a result, yet I find it extremely difficult to accept a compliment myself.
3. Within the last 5 years I have lost touch with 2 girlfriends with whom I shared over 20 years history. There was no falling out with either, no animosity that I'm aware of, but we genuinely just grew apart.
4. I have eaten fries and gravy in Canada, drunk champagne in Paris, eaten tortilla in Spain, drunk retsina in the Greek Islands, eaten soft tacos on the beach in Mexico, had bagels and coffee in New York, eaten apple dumplings and mulled wine in Germany, had a steamboat in Vietnam, eaten tagine under the stars in the Sahara Desert, drunk beer in Czeck Republic, eaten Fondue in the French Alps, eaten gelati in Sicily and fettucine bolognese in Bologna.
5. I can knit but I can't crochet and as much as I'd like to, I find the prospect daunting.
6. I love full cream milk, ice cold in a glass, but cannot come at flavoured milk of any kind.
7. I asked my husband out on our first date and I also asked him to marry me.

25

This is something I've had as an idea for a little while now. It's a design I've borrowed from Orla, because I just love it so much. The application idea came from a quilt that Soo made which I love. I had a sneak peek at the Material Obsession book and decided that I didn't need the book and would just wing it.

Now the materials I first saw here and immediately fell for, with no idea what I would create with them. I remembered them for a while until Tamara also gifted me some offcuts she got when visiting Patchwork on Central, just because I'd mentioned I liked them. So, the two ideas fused and this is the beginnings of ... something. Stem and bindings to come of course, but I can't say more than that, because it is a gift for someone I know may be reading. I love the handsewing though, keeping my hands (and mind) active.

A girlfriend recently asked me how I squeeze in all the extras that I do, by that she meant the extra cooking and the crafting activities. To me, there's no squeezing in, it's just that I have to make time for those things. If I didn't do those things that some perceive as extras then life would be, well, very routine. I can't imagine not having a project or idea on the go - or filling a spare 15 minutes with baking a cake. I love escapist tele as much as the next person, but only when something is occupying my hands. That's the stuff that makes my day out of the ordinary, more than just washing, cleaning and tending to others. That's the good stuff.

24

One starts her second year of school, Grade 1, the other begins her kinder experience with 3 year old kinder. Both handle new things quite differently, but each seems to derive an equal amount of pleasure from it. Early days, but so far nothing but happiness.