Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Last week I mentioned my desire to dance on the train platform, music's been on my mind more than usual of late. We have music on constantly at home. Geoff is a great consumer of current music and keeps me up-to-date, I don't agree with all his choices, but I love that we're aware of what's going on although it's not really top 40 stuff. So many people seem to stay stuck at a certain point, musically, and never move to new things. I do still love the old stuff though and have had a nostalgic fest of late. I thought I'd share some of my faves with you. It was also inspired somewhat by the sweet Lindsay and the gorgeous post she did for her man on Valentines Day.
"Driftwood" by Travis
This song makes me think of 505 Clive Court, Maida Vale where Geoff and I lived in London for 4 of our 5 years, our home. It makes me remember the flat, our life at that moment in time, the colder days and nights, the darker weather, so many candles, sweetness.
"High and Dry" by Radiohead
When Geoff and I had only been together two weeks, 13 years ago now, we went away for a weekend to Lorne, High and Dry was playing on the radio as we were weaving our way down the Great Ocean Road. We went to the Lorne pub for dinner that night (before the trendy makeover) and he asked me what I'd like to drink. When I responded a shandy he hesitated and said "here's the money, I don't do shandy".
"Fumbling Towards Ecstacy" by Sarah McLachlan
This album, probably unlike any other, is the most powerful for me, instantly transports me to Canada. I was about to turn 25 and there for the second time, involved in the most intense love story of years standing with a gorgeous Canadian whose life I still follow to this day. When I think of this album it's always night. I think of riding the train to the stop near the Science Museum to meet him from the Greyhound bus from Banff. I remember him crying at night and I feel, now, the greatest of regret. I feel almost 15 years younger just thinking of it.
"There's No Need to Argue Anymore" by The Cranberries
Same as the album above, same stay in Canada. Staying with my friend Michelle Mallich in Burnaby, drinking wine from a two litre flagon on the floor in her loungeroom, talking all night by candlelight. She was an amazing woman, I've lost touch with her and have tried to reconnect - I don't know where she is now.
"Easy" by Faith No More
Was a song on the jukebox in the kitchen area of the Fort Mason YHA in San Francisco. I was there in 1993 and was travelling with a girlfriend I'd met in Montreal earlier in the trip. Christelle and I hooked up with some others, Merve, Laurent and Magnus and we'd sit and talk forever in the kitchen. The jukebox had this song on and I'd managed to get it to play it for a penny rather than a dime, I played it over and over.
I don't feel sad thinking about these things, but I certainly can feel melancholy. I have a need to understand and know things, it's not intelligence as in learning, not that kind of desire, it's a connection thing. I need to understand why I feel a certain way about things and why I still think about the things I do and it frustrates me that I don't know myself better. These are all good songs though, I think, even without the associations - have a listen.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Do you recall the Seinfeld episode, the one where Elaine unwittingly humiliates herself at a work Christmas party? It turns out that everyone cleared the floor when she started dancing and the tag line was "but I love to dance". Last night the girls and I were dancing, in a state of undress, in my bedroom with some tunes from itunes playing. Our playlist of four songs worth of frenzied dancing, in case you're interested was:
Digital Love by Daft Punk
Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John
Layla by Eric CLapton
Sound and Vision by David Bowie
After four songs I was completed knackered but felt amazing while it lasted.
It was a dancing day yesterday. When Geoff and I were on the train platform going to work yesterday morning I had his ipod on and was listening to Digital Love. I don't wear those little earplug headphones well, I must have funny shaped ears as they just don't stay in. Geoff recently bought some new headphones and they have little silicon funnel shaped things on the earpieces so they really fit inside perfectly and it's complete surround sound. We were waiting on the platform and I wanted to listen to that particular song. It was a cool morning but the sun was streaming down and completely dazzling. I felt good, the music was just what I wanted to hear and I so wanted to dance on the platform, I mean full on dancing. I would have, except Geoff would have died of embarassment, I so wish I had though. It was a moment that I wanted to seize and perhaps it sounds silly that dancing in a strange situation in front of dozens of strangers was seizing the moment, but for me life was so sweet in that single moment. Do you know the feeling I mean when you travel, when you have no time commitments, when you can be where you want when you want, that feeling of invincibility that we wish we could keep in our every day life? The feeling that means you want to go on travelling forever to keep a hold of that feeling? Yesterday morning, in the sunshine, listening to that music I was flooded with memories of so many things in my life that had made me feel good, it all washed over me and the dancing, that was the outward manifestation of that joy. As it was I just jigged, to myself, it felt good and I embarassed no-one.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
When I became the parent of two girls I wondered if I'd know how to manage them. A friend of mine who is one of 5 lost her only sister (who was 31 at the time) to leukemia four years ago, she told me that there's nothing like a sister and that I was very lucky to have two girls and for them to have each other. She, and other friends I know, have actually grown up as friends to their siblings and have gone to pubs together, done the things I have only done with friends. It's a strange concept to me.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I feel she's so much more of a girl these days, she is learning more from sources external to the family than I'd imagined she would - it's not a bad thing at all, just a surprise to me. She now knows her alphabet not just in terms of rote, but in terms of recognition as well and can spell out words she sees. Her drawing is also a big measure. I thought we'd stay in the childlike drawings she'd always done and yet really only in the last two weeks, drawings are becoming more identifiable and "realistic", for a child at least. I have framed a few of her early ones, but I'm now having to secret away her best ones for more framing. How do you choose though? I have tried to keep the most special of pieces, but gosh, she's prolific and adding in kinder and all the lovely works they bring home from there (including decorated cereal boxes which start to take up a lot of space), but it's getting crowded in our already storage challenged house. Anyone have any clever ideas for keeping their childrens work safe? Maybe an art folio?
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
At 5 it felt like the only thing keeping me going was being able to have a glass of red - I got the glass out ready and the bottle had been finished - completely forgot, in fact have no recollection of drinking it. That's not because I was in a drunken haze, must have been Geoff. So, I held on until 6 feeling guilty about opening a "good bottle" on a Tuesday night, but then the need overcame me. I used a good glass though, which made me laugh. I shared a similar story another time with my dearest friend Kate and she had a similar occurence herself about the same time during a long drawn out house renovation. The only difference in out situations was that Kate also couldn't find a wine glass and had to drink a good bottle out of a coffee mug!
Monday, March 03, 2008
I have a little production line going at the moment and am feeling inspired. I sold a doll to a lovely woman in California recently and she said the loveliest thing after receiving the doll "I just wanted to share with you the impact your doll has had on my daughter. She's close to being one year old and obviously to young for a doll, but I set the doll on her bookcase for her to look at everyday. She smiles at it and calls it "baby." Baby is one of her first words next to bye bye. We say good night to it every night and she'll call for it everytime she wakes up from slumber. So precious!!I hope you sell more of your exquisite dolls. I've told my friends about your workmanship and kindness, so don't be surprised if you get more sales!"
I'm not sharing her comments with you to brag, but to share with you how wonderful it made me feel. She included a photograph of the doll in her new home and honestly, I couldn't have been prouder. As much as the little bit of pocket money is nice, it's the thrill of someone appreciating the dolls that I find so inspiring. This same lady went on to order another doll for herself and an extra outfit for the original one. Not only that but the next day two more dolls sold to another person who turned out to be her best friend. Those girls are now also on their way to the US and I hope they're received as warmly.
To those who don't know me well I come across as extremely confident and in many ways I guess I am, dealings with others, communication in general and such. In terms of self belief though, I'm quite fragile and don't tend to believe my own good press. I don't know why, at almost 40 years of age I still struggle to understand myself - how crazy is that.
So, dolls, they're on the table, in the kitchen, my bedroom - all over in various states of creation. I hope they find happy homes the world over.