Tuesday, October 20, 2009

These days ....


Ella is six now and becoming a young lady, something that's surprised me as six still seems to me a little girl age. She's still very much our girl, but I'm aware that the time where we, the family, are still the most important people in her world, well those days are numbered. Friends, peers, their influence, or their importance is becoming more noticeable.


That awareness of change in turn makes me look to Leila, who, although 3 years behind her big sister, is turning 3 at the start of next year. She will start kinder two days a week and I'm aware that my days as a mum of young children, well they won't last forever.


Walks to school where one is walking beside you, wanting to hold your hand most of the time, except when they're balancing on stone walls. Walks take a long time because you have to stop to pick overhanging flowers at every other house. On the way home from school a dear friend joins and we stop to read in the park and eat our afternoon tea. My company is a part of all these expeditions, I'm a part of it, and I'm aware that won't always be the case. I'll always be loved, I hope, but I won't always be needed as I am right now.

For some this means time to start thinking - perhaps we should have one more baby ..... but that won't be the case for us. I'm turning 40 in a few weeks and although loving a third child is an absolute given (we know now we do good work), for me, for us, that's too old to be starting that process all over again. That doesn't mean I don't feel a little sad for the loss of that time of my life, of the pregnancy, the anticipation, the falling in love all over - but the hard work and strains on our time, I know my limitations.

So, instead, I'll try to remember these moments, hold on to them tightly and love them while they are still mine to share.

8 comments:

Miss Muggins said...

I so hear what you are saying. I always wanted the third child, but now approaching 40 I think that ship has sailed. It is a matter of shifting your thinking from what could have been to what has been, focusing on those priceless memories. Thanks for reminding me of this, I think about a new baby most days!

two little buttons said...

oh, you made me cry. what a beautiful post. its amazing how quickly it slips away. mine are 5 nearly 6 and almost 3, and all too quickly those beautiful childhood years are slipping by. i am learning to live and enjoy the moment and hang onto those specail walks home from school... enjoy your two precious babes and savour every moment

Kiki said...

Bugger it, I'm crying too!!! Like you and 'two little buttons' I have the same aged girls. I'm in denial but I know I'll have to creep out of that mindset very soon. It's a pretty hard time if you ask me, lots to think about but not another here (sadly) either.

Thanks for getting me thinking and appreciating once again. xx

Sandy said...

Such a lovely, reflective post! I feel the same way. I sometimes catch myself staring at my children, especially my son, and wishing they will stay this age forever so that I can hold them and cuddle them without them squirming away and thinking they are too big for long hugs. There will be a day when I will probably come second to their friends.

Tamara said...

I feel just like that about a fourth baby. I would so love another one but know it would tip me right over....I really feel like I am just managing now. It is a sad thing for me to think that my body and my weaknesses are the only factors. Eddie is in kinder next year too. I am treasuring the next two years before I have no one at home with me anymore. (right now he is chattering in the background with his imaginary games - I will miss that).
Lovely post.

Cindy said...

I can so appreciate where you are. I would love a 3rd, but I just don't think we could afford it let alone the other undefined joys yet still a strain of new borns! Caleb is off to school next year and it seems like a BIG deal to me

PlumStitches said...

they're so sweet and I know exactly how you're feeling about number 3. it's a bittersweet feeling to know you're done having babies, but I'm thankful for what I have!

Jasmine said...

I've been so aware of the passing of time and how my role will change lately too. You've articulated these sentiments as a mother so well.

Thanks for the beautiful, reflective post.