Wednesday, October 24, 2012


I didn't realise today would be so eventful, or at least so memorable, for me.  We met at kinder and took a walk to the school that will steal away my babe next year.  I jest, a little, at the steal part, but next year she starts a new journey. It's silly but to even mention makes my heart ache and the tears well up.  Our journey wasn't always easy, mine and leilas, which is perhaps why it means so much to me, but also because I guess my life will begin a new chapter as a mum without children at home.

We walked together and once at school divided into three smaller groups and rotated through the three class rooms, joining the preps and meeting the teachers.  Leila recognised some faces in one of the classes but not really in the other two. But she held her own.  She didn't look small, she looked young, but my babe looked like she belonged.

In the final class they went outside skipping with ropes, something leila has not done before.  She found it hard to get the hang of it, until a prep girl sweetly asked "would you like me to show you how?" And she silently nodded yes please.

Finding her way in the world makes me proud, but sad.  As parents we raise our children up and try to make them confident enough to face the world with enthusiasm and without fear.  At times I wondered if she would get there and that process meant that I had her to hold on my lap for a year longer than I expected,but even that time is drawing to a close.  She has been such a constant companion to me, an incredibly generous and loving child and right now I can't imagine how I will survive my days without her.  I know the idea is that parents are jumping up and down with enthusiasm for all the me time they have when school starts, but right now all I can see is how terribly lonely it will be without her.

Perhaps because I struggled in the early days and again in her 3rd year, there were times when I wished myself ahead to a different time.  There were times when I forgot to breathe it in, to enjoy those precious moments because I lost sight of the whole picture and focussed only on the challenge.  It's a cliche, but it is so because it's true - time goes so fast, we really need to remember to drink it all in and enjoy it, while we can.


Christie said...

The days are long, but the years are short. So, so true I've found.

I've had a similar journey with Willow, and as hard as it has been sending my baby off to prep, watching her grow in so many ways this year has been so amazingly rewarding.

Strangely, her increased independence has actually brought us closer I think.

Sandy said...

You did the right thing, giving Leila an extra year to grow as I did with my son. I couldn't be more pleased with his confidence, his thoughtfulness, his love for learning. It'll feel strange not to have a little one around, but you'll be so happy that she is thriving all on her own. It'll be amazing!

kristi said...

i did this same thing with tate last week. we are taking the boys out of montessori next year and it all makes me very nervous, even with michael assuring me at every corner it is the right thing to do. a new community for quinn, tate, and i. i stood in the prep classroom just as tate did...overwhelmed.