Geoff and I went to the movies together on the weekend, something we don't get to do enough of. We saw Beautiful Kate.
The theme that runs throughout the movie, or at least one of them, is intimacy. There were scenes in the movie that really moved me. The first was of the brother and sister, twins, at a time when they were in their mid teens, bodies flourishing and growing, boy and girl becoming man and woman. For all those years they shared an intimate bond, particularly as twins, but it was naive, physically innocent. There comes a time though, and there did in this movie, when such an intimacy is withdrawn from us (as parents) or when it's no longer appropriate with each other as siblings.
There's a scene where the father, who's never really had a relationship with his now 40 year old son, reaches and comforts his now adult child by rubbing his shoulder and hair. It was so intimate. I'm sure that are many people we all know who share with their parents no more than a shake of their father's hand and a peck on their mother's cheek on the infrequent occasions when they meet. No matter how old your child, I can't imagine the desire to embrace them, to really hold them, ever leaves you. Time, distance, circumstance, cross words and inhibitions can steal away from us embracing those that we love the most.
I then thought about when our parents, or loved ones, pass. Passing them on to whatever you believe is or isn't next. I know that bodies are washed and prepared when people die, I can imagine that's something I would want to do for those I love when that time ultimately comes. The idea of leaving that final intimacy to someone else, to a cold room, to an employee, really moved me. I will want to wash my loved ones myself, with those things they loved the most, leaving their skin sweet and loved with every touch.
I get a lot of emotional response/value from the movies I see, Benjamin Button was the last I posted about, and that affected me for a long time. This hasn't stayed with me as much, but I really enjoyed it. Some may be disturbed by the main theme, but for some reason I could understand at least their motivations somewhat, even with truly 'understanding'.
3 comments:
oh, I've read such good things about this movie . . . one I'm looking forward to (eventually!) seeing.
This is the first post I've ever read from your blog...and I really appreciated being let into your private thoughts on intimacy. Being a mother myself, I don't ever imagine there could be a time when I didn't feel I could hold my child and love them. I hope I am never proved wrong. I think I'll have to see this movie. x
Oh V, spending time at home when I don't always get the chance to be involved in 'adult' conversation, your insights into intimacy have really moved me (and even more so because rather than simply a night out with hubby you were able to sit and reflect on the movie)
We were lucky that Mum was at home for her last week (with full palliative care) and she passed away in her own room. What happens after death is a little confronting but I did choose to stay and help wash her body. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but was, as her only daughter, something I wanted to do.
and even before she got sick we would always cuddle, and she would say that I would always be her baby - something I find myself saying to the older kids now.
Lx
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