Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Direction

Photo care of freefotouk on flickr

I am currently feeling a real lack of direction and purpose. I'm a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, but along the way I've lost sight of who I am to me.
I am like so many other mums who take no time for themselves, who put any of their own activities to the bottom of the list of priorities. Sure, I sew and do activities within the home, while the girls are out or asleep, but I rarely leave Geoff in charge and have activities solely for me. It's not because there aren't things I want to do, it's because I don't like to be away. It's that old hook - you resent not having time to yourself, but when you do, you just keep thinking of home.
I feel fatigued and unhealthy. I'm not exercising. I find it hard to make time for it in my days, but I really NEED to. For the first time ever I feel I've reached that point where I feel being unfit and is actually making me feel weary. I have a constant feeling of lethargy, doing anything, is hard work. Perhaps it's not just physical, it's also the mental preparation, being proactive, I've just lost it - for now.
I need to make some changes. I know I need to fit exercise in and that I'll feel better for it, but gosh, the week is so busy, I hate having to rush somewhere every day. Perhaps I've got too much time on my hands to think - that's probably part of the problem, my lethargy means I'm doing less which means I think more and round and round it goes.
I'm waffling, I need to make a list, before that though I need to get a childrens meal ready, get snacks and swimming gear packed for lessons after school and another bag with the pj's and shower stuff for afterwards.
I'll come back, when I've figured out my plan of attack. It may be a few days in coming ....

16 comments:

Rach said...

If you change the name, I could have written this. Let me know when you have the answer so I can borrow it.

PS - I went to the gym today for the first time in 4 months!!!

Rach said...

PPS - actually I could not have written it so well, but you know what I mean...

KikiMiss said...

You know I feel exactly the same way, it's definitely difficult. I had time alone away from the house on Saturday from 9:30am-4:30pm and for the first few hours I wanted to come home. Once I sat in my favourite organic cafe, eating lunch, sipping coffee and reading a magazine with no interruptions I was over that stump - it was great, but I need to make that effort or it won't happen.

Maybe you could start with a small outing, but make sure it's the same day every week so it is on the calendar. That's how I'm tackling it this end.

Hang in there ok!

c.raf.t said...

I don't want to be repetitive...but I could have written it myself!
I think that this happens to all mothers with small children..and perhaps the only cure is ..time!
When children will grow enough to stay almost all day out on activities..we will feel comfy enough to be out on our "own"!

Pina said...

This sounds like me before bad things happened in my life in March. Don't wait until tomorrow, act today! Otherwise life might come upon you with even bigger problems than they appear now. Take my advice, my friend. Don't wait, change the things that you don't like in your life today, because tomorrow it might be too late to change anything!

Sarah said...

A common mother issue... It is good you have the ability to insight and do something about it. I look forward to hearing how you are going when you get back : o )

Christie said...

boy do i get this post!

a couple of months ago I finally started doing some exercise once a week, i'm now up to twice. i'm not a morning person, but i get up very early & I work with a trainer & a small group for an hour. because i am up early, i don't feel so guilty & i feel much better for it. also, about every second week i go out of an evening to a sewing group. these things have all become routine & they refresh me in different ways.

i hope you find what works for you, but you definitely need to get out there & have some YOU time :-)

Bek said...

I know what you mean too. I have little ones roaring at me right now, so I have no wise, considered words to offer, but just wanted to say "I get it." Good luck!

Sandy said...

Your words resonate with me too. I just quit the gym after not going for months and months. I just couldn't justify keeping the membership and watching wasted money get deducted from my account every month. I've become an uncomfortable lump, too tired and too unmotivated to take the time to do what is best for me. We'll need to start a group or set some attainable goals to get us motivated. Hang in there!

leslie said...

you know what else you need?? craft weekend. the next one is planned for oct 30 - nov 1 and you are so invited!

Angie said...

Like everyone else has said, your post is one I can identify strongly with at the moment. I don't have any great solutions to offer up, I'm still trying to think of something that will work for me.

I miss the days I got up early & went swimming/walking the dog and then my exercise was done for the day, given I'm such a night owl now (my only real time without the kids) I can't see early mornings working again for a while.

Leslie's suggestion of a craft get-away sounds like it could work.

Hope you find your way, your way. Or at least a path that meanders in the general direction you want to head.

Susanne said...

Like everyone else who has commented, I know exactly how you feel. I read your post thinking, did I write this???? There's some good advice here, we need to sit down, take a deep breath and think what is good for "me" and then work out a plan to achieve what we need.

Good luck with everything, I look forward to seeing what you come up with.

ella said...

this sounds so much like how i've felt as well as many mothers around me. We are so lacking in the communal raising of children. i have such a hard time being away even though i so desperately need it.

A note of advice about the exercise thing. yes. do it (i'm saying this to myself too) but don't set the goals so high and far that you never get around to doing it. i've procrastinated my yoga practice for years because "i have nothing to wear". it's ridiculous. i think if you can do something routine everyday like walk around the block every day after dinner that's a good start. That said, i'm going to start doing that tonight. you in?
btw i so want to go to craft weekend. it's a little far for me but how fun.

stacey said...

Very well said...I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Jasmine said...

Wish I had something really useful to say but I struggle with the same thing myself. The buck really stops with Mum so our load feels 24/7.

I seem to be relying on dark chocolate to recharge my batteries. Not a long term solution methinks...

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