No 52 project for us this week and only words in it's place.
I was having a conversation with a friend this week, about people we knew who were unhappy. When we delved into it, it really came across as them being dissatisfied with where they found themselves in life. It manifested itself in different ways, across the different people we spoke of. Relationships were in crisis in different forms. One relationship between a couple of different nationalities faced a seemingly irreconcilable question in terms of where, geographically, their future lay; another relationship, despite having all the material trappings of success, seemed fundamentally unhappy in their relationship; another couple were struggling to find a way to balance and prioritise work and family which was pushing them further apart.
Like any problem, they were all consuming for all the parties involved. I understand that utterly, as I haven't had a life without question, doubt or disagreement, has anyone? I make no secret of the fact that life has shifted for us since I stopped working, that it's become happier, more peaceful, easier. Of course it's not that simple, relationships demand work, commitment and love. Sometimes it comes easily, at others we really struggle to hold onto those good feelings and if we're honest there are times when we just want to be left alone.
My BIL was diagnosed with cancer in February. He's had every treatment and every complication possible. He's 7 years older than me, has a young family and everything to live for. Despite operations, his best efforts, and many treatments, he's decided he can't continue. Tomorrow he enters palliative care and will return home to spend his last days with family and closest friends.
Think of an argument you had where you weren't right and yet you didn't apologise. Think of the last time you made love to your husband, or kissed him fully in the daylight. Silly things, that we sometimes let life get in the way of, because we always believe we will have more time. If you didn't have more time, could you say that you lived fully, that you loved fully, that you made the most of the life you were given? I wasn't always able to say that, but since I have experienced my own loss, I can say that every day I try to make the most of the time that I have.
I love my family, dearly. I wish I could scream loud and keep my family whole, intact and well. I wish I could protect my SIL from losing her life's love and my niece and nephew from losing a lifetime with their father. Death is unforgiving, it makes no difference if you have everything to live for, if you've lived a good and valuable life, it steals you away when you least want to leave.
You can't fight death, none of us can, but we can honour ourselves, our families and loved ones we've lost too soon, by living fully. Value most the relationships closest to us, apologise when we should or just when we can, hold our loved ones, let them how our world revolves around them, appreciate what we have, showing generosity when we can, soak up the sun's rays, read a good book. Live and be happy.