857

Some days I find it harder to parent than I do on others. I feel tired today, a little lack lustre and would love to just do things for me. It's not a case of not loving my babes, not wanting to be with them, but some days it's just harder.

What I find a challenge, on days such as these, is the guilt. I feel so guilty for just feeling a little can't be bothered. Getting out the coloured card and making a Rapunzel tower just isn't so appealing but not making it causes that guilty feeling.

I'm not a big fan of tv for children, although don't misunderstand me, my girls do watch tv. I personally just feel ..... guilty if I use it as a babysitting tool. I limit its use to 30 minutes, otherwise I feel like an utter failure. Summoning up the energy to go for a bike ride feels too much but gosh, that makes me feel ..... lazy.

There's been plenty written about Mother Guilt I know, but it still surprises me. My recompense for inactivity and lack of enthusiasm today, will be donning my togs and submitting myself to a public bathing exercise before swimming classes today. I'll play a hungry crocodile, be the Fairy King and nibble my little ones toes when she's not looking. I'm not looking forward to it right now, but I'll do it anyway and I guarantee that within moments I'll be giggling with her and my guilt will just melt away. I'll try and remember that when I'm next having a moment, that they are only .... moments.

856

Not perfectly focussed, but I like this one too.

855

My brother left me some money, in his estate. It was very challenging, holding that cheque in my hands. I never wanted his money and having it somehow seemed like closing another chapter. Mike never had any money, but was always generous with the little he had, with those closest to him. As a result he was always interested to know that all of us were okay. He was interested in how much things had cost, whether we were saving money, anything to do with affairs financially. The money he left would have been a lot for him and for that and so many other reasons it meant a lot to me.

I decided to buy something to remember him by, something that would go on and on. So, although it felt like an indulgence, yesterday I bought a ring. I still need to get his initials, MBM, engraved on the inside, but it's on my hand and in my mind and my heart, my brother gave this ring to me.

My daughters will wear the ring after me and in turn perhaps they will pass it on to their own families. I will always carry his memory and share it with any who are interested to listen, but now we have a family heirloom, and it came from Uncle Mike.

854

After my weekend away I realised that I don't really know all that my camera can do. Jo's love of photography also reinspired me to try harder to do more, other than just shoot. I did a photography course, gosh when I was in my late teens (!!!) with my first Nikomatt camera which I still have and love. I remember taking photos with the lens wide open and watching while the trams rattled past down Glenhuntly Road in Elsternwick. Of course back then we had to commit to trying to get images printed during the forthcoming week, if our chemist could accommodate, and we'd critique them together afterwards. So amazing, really when you think how fast things change.

The lovely thing about meeting new people is the new perspective, what you share and in turn what you take away with you and are inspired by.

853

This weekend I did something I've never done before, actually a couple of things. Firstly I left my little 3 guy family and went away without them for not one, but two nights. Secondly I went away with two people I've never met before and had the loveliest, most invigorating short break since, well, since I went to Paris with Kate and Lena before we left the UK.

Jo (Jellybaby blog) and Julia (Arte Fidelity) have been friends for almost a whole lifetime and for this weekend they included me in their circle and I felt warmly welcomed.

We ate well, we drank, we walked but mostly we talked and talked and talked. We didn't sew, we didn't watch tele, we just spent time together. I'd known beforehand from all I'd seen and read and the emails we'd exchanged that they were lovely women, but I didn't realise how calmed, amused and supported I'd feel by spending time with them. I loved seeing their gorgeous friendship first hand and laughed whole heartedly at their many, many amusing recollections.

Jo is an amazing photographer so I confess I felt embarassed to bring out my camera, silly I know, but she really is so gifted, I hope she shares her work with everyone more widely soon. Hence, the odd picture of the chair in this post.

I feel great, I hope we get to do it again.

852

851

Is there anything my parents won't do in their play with my daughters. Nothing springs to mind. Today it was nail salons with Nan. Yellow finger nails and orange toenails. My mum's not normally a citrus shade type of girl, but she is now.

850

The second Sunday of each month is the Whitehorse Farmers Market. It's good, you should go if you haven't already been.

Today's haul included our regular hot chocolates and coffees, dutch carrots, Green Eggs, strawberries, local garlic, some beer for Geoff. Friends of ours order their meat and collect every month, but we're not big meat eaters in this house so I've never gone down that route, but they swear by it.





We love acorns and collected quite a few handfuls. Ella intends to make a collage of some sort from a few and Leila required a green bowl for hers, she filled it to the brim, added this lovely little branch to a green glass filled with water and put both beside our photo of Uncle Mike, to make him happy, and me as an aside.


6 months ago this morning we lost my brother. Time can never be measured in the same way again.

849

She declared it a good day, although the extended session time has left her completely whacked today, that will take some getting used to.

Her current favourite passtime is colouring. Why colour at the table when you can colour on it?

848

First length 4YO session today, 4 hours - it seems such a long time, but I'm so grateful it's not school, not this year. She was anxious, but no tears. New rules, new teachers, new faces, but the trampoline remains unchanged.

I do hope she had a good day.

847

With the return to school and Leila now taking lunch to 4YO kinder, it's time to begin baking again. As time passes I realise more and more that at heart I'm quite old fashioned, or at least content with old fashioned ways to pass time.

Today I walked to and from school and then Leila and I ran a few errands.

Once home again a couple of loads of washing run through and hung on the line. Lunch eaten together and Leila happily crafting away.

Brownies and gingerbread biscuits made. Our dinner braising on the stovetop, the girls to be finished in the fridge. Snacks packed for afterschool and tonight's return to basketball. Clear counter tops, a fresh smelling house and I'm relatively content. Relatively being a relative term. I do have moments of every day when I wonder what the point of it all is? Not in a sad, feeling sorry for myself way, but in making the moments count way, but that's a post for another day.