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I had a moment today. It feels like the grieving begins as soon as you find out a loved one is unwell. When you know that there is no chance of recovery, you feel the weight of that loss already weighing on your body and it slows you down. Spending time with them, even just speaking of them, is pleasure and pain together.

My parents drove my brother back to his home today, they said he was in quite some pain. It wasn't a long conversation, but it was enough to bring me to tears. Leila asked me what was wrong and I always answer honestly, so I said I was upset about Uncle Mike because he was feeling bad. That gorgeous babe rubbed my back and said "don't cry mum, I know it's hard, but try not to be too upset." She then made a picture of "a happy place" and said perhaps we could send it to Uncle Mike, to make him better. We'll send it tomorrow.