My mind is rarely still or quiet. It can be calm, it's not always screeching and loud, but it's always very active. Some times are more peaceful than others, but there's always plenty going on in there. I hope my mind remains as active into my older years, although I also hope for more resolution in my thoughts. Perhaps that suggests less challenge? Acceptance or resolution seems to me to perhaps imply that answers have been found.
I could always do more, I could always do better, I could always be better. Don't misunderstand me in thinking that I don't feel I do good, or do much, but I always feel there is more I could be or do and achieve. Most times it acts as motivation, at others it can overwhelm and make me feel that I achieve nothing.
The end of school holidays has found me a little weepy for the end of time with my most beloved girls. One person, one mother, can achieve only so much, read only so many books, play, create, listen, indulge, cherish, but still I feel I could always have done a little more. I feel heavily those times when I felt I needed a quiet moment when one wanted a book read or another wanted to share ideas for a story. I need to remind myself that this time, this now, is not forever, it's so fleeting and soon I will have too much time for my busy mind and thoughts. Not everything has to be done today, done now, but some times do demand my attention right now, today and during these years.
I can always choose who I become, what path I walk, what challenges I seek, but the role of being a mother to our girls, is something that needs me present now, deserves all of my attention now and in those quiet moments, that's when I can indulge my mind, my thoughts, write them down, plan for the quieter years when I will surely yearn for the occasional chaos and fullness of today's days.