My mind is rarely still or quiet. It can be calm, it's not always screeching and loud, but it's always very active. Some times are more peaceful than others, but there's always plenty going on in there. I hope my mind remains as active into my older years, although I also hope for more resolution in my thoughts. Perhaps that suggests less challenge? Acceptance or resolution seems to me to perhaps imply that answers have been found.
I could always do more, I could always do better, I could always be better. Don't misunderstand me in thinking that I don't feel I do good, or do much, but I always feel there is more I could be or do and achieve. Most times it acts as motivation, at others it can overwhelm and make me feel that I achieve nothing.
The end of school holidays has found me a little weepy for the end of time with my most beloved girls. One person, one mother, can achieve only so much, read only so many books, play, create, listen, indulge, cherish, but still I feel I could always have done a little more. I feel heavily those times when I felt I needed a quiet moment when one wanted a book read or another wanted to share ideas for a story. I need to remind myself that this time, this now, is not forever, it's so fleeting and soon I will have too much time for my busy mind and thoughts. Not everything has to be done today, done now, but some times do demand my attention right now, today and during these years.
I can always choose who I become, what path I walk, what challenges I seek, but the role of being a mother to our girls, is something that needs me present now, deserves all of my attention now and in those quiet moments, that's when I can indulge my mind, my thoughts, write them down, plan for the quieter years when I will surely yearn for the occasional chaos and fullness of today's days.
3 comments:
You have written much of what I feel too. I need to step back more, be mindful and present when they are around and when I have moments on my own cherish those and use them wisely. I hope you enjoy your first day with your girls back at school even though it is hard not to have them home with you. x
i always feel like i am not doing enough, because honestly i am not. i feel exhausted most days, and i take a handful of good vitamins, herbs, eat healthy, workout, visit spiritual healers…i try hard to look after myself partly due to the added stress of living abroad. i often think about being a mother in today's world compared to when my mom raised us kids. there were four of us, so she had her hands full, yet i feel like she did more chores, more cooking, ect. yet still had more time to just be with her family. our lives are so full of distraction. phones, computers, husbands that get home far to late, pollution that goes into our bodies daily…were on overdrive. it is not easy for us to keep up. i think were all exhausted. i am exhausted anyway. it's hard being a muma. also, when you stay home i think it hard to determine what time is for you and what time is for the kids, it all runs together. x
You are a gracious mum, good and kind. Your children are so lucky. They will look back on their early years with memories of love, happiness, and fulfillment. One day they will take very good care of you! You set the bar high!
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