Wednesday, August 24, 2011

768




I feel I'm a bit of a contradiction. I am very honest and open and I also love to make a fuss of others. Having said that, I don't like attention focussed on me. It's not that unusual, but coupled with the former comment, people are often surprised that I baulk at unnecessary attention.

I haven't spoken to any of my inlaws since I made the drive to the NE. I have only spoken to one close friend, preferring email to actually speaking. Tomorrow I am going back to work, two weeks to the day since I drove to see my darling brother. I'm not normally worried about sharing emotions, but these are private and I feel no desire to share. I know that's a contradiction when I'm sharing with you, but in writing it's different, I write for my own peace of mind, expecting nothing in return. Condolences though, I'm anxious about condolences, face to face, that I can't respond to later, and I don't feel the ability to be gracious.


5 comments:

Cindy said...

As strange as it sounds can you send out an email before you return to work saying you appreciate everyones thoughts but you don't feel up to talking about it. People will understand and you don't have to worry about it. I think your strength - from the outside at least is amazing. x

Sarah said...

I hear you...

Jo said...

last year when my brother was sick, I talked and cried with my family and very closest friends, but in the rest of my life no-one even knew that it was happening. it wasn't until many weeks {months} later that I started sharing with others what happened. in all of those 'other' areas of my life, i just got on with things. it was all so raw and painful that it was a relief not to be submerged all of the time. i think everyone has their own way of coping with the trials in their lives, and whatever way works for you is the best way. one moment at a time. jo x

Feronia said...

I agree with Cindy - perhaps an email just to let everyone know that you appreciate their thoughts but you just don't feel up to talking about it right now. I hope the return to work goes ok.

dearmolly said...

V I'm so terribly sad to hear about your brother and am so glad you have your writing here as an outlet.

Perhaps take some time to anticipate what people might say and do, and react in your time and place and then be ready for what might happen upon your return. When you go back it will be all about you and wanting to show love and respect for you, but this moment in time makes people who are still feeling their own grief feel more accutely for you and for themselves - I had someone who I didn't really know that well in tears.
To quote Winnie the Pooh, "you are stronger than you think" and you have the support of so many blogfriends who will be there with you in spirit - at work and on the train and wherever you need us.
Lxxx