Sunday, November 27, 2011


A challenging weekend is almost over, but I feel like the challenges themselves will hang around for a long while. We returned to Beechworth as a family this weekend, for my eldest brother's birthday gathering, the first time since we lost Mike, approaching four months ago.

My parents lived in Beechworth for many years, I did also for 18 months between overseas trips. It's a town I've always been very fond of, but it seems different now.

We rented a house with my parents, the same one they had booked and stayed in with Mike for a few days a couple of weeks before he passed.

We had a family lunch, the remaining family all together, but it wasn't the same. I know it's not meant to be and I know that eventually you must get used to the new normal, but it was so challenging, the balance was just off.

Two separate but extremely hurtful comments have left me so very very wounded. Neither of them were intentionally unkind, but my oh my, both cut me to the core in very different ways. I'm trying to let go of hurt, to not make unkind words my issue, but unfortunately they just do. Empathy is so essential, not just in times of loss, but it's a characteristic I value very highly, at all times, in all people. The ability to put yourself in someone elses shoes, to consider not just your own perspective, your own wants and needs, but those of others above your own, well I don't know if there is anything I value in myself, or others, more.

As should be the case though, the girls had a lovely time. My brother arranged a treasure on their property and they were thrilled with what they found.

Let's all be kind to each other this week. To ourselves, to those we care most about and those we know little about.


Sarah said...

Hey Vic,

It is SO good you did do this weekend. I can imagine the lead up to it would have also been difficult. There is going to be many first but it does get easier.

Pity someone said something with little thought. People can be hurtful even though it is probably not intended.

Warm thought to you lovely lady.

Susan said...

hope things start to get easier for you soon - you've had such a tough couple of months. I can imagine the festive season is going to be a challenge. Thinking of you. P.S. Thoughtless comments are so crappy - if there's one thing I hope I can teach my kids it's empathy and compassion!

Julia said...

Thinking of you. Hope your cuts heal quickly. Sometimes deep empathy comes out of deep wounds. Not all of us have them, so people can inflict pain with their limited perspective. Shame how it can work like that... x

Sandy said...

People can be so callous. I hope you are healing over the hurtful words and I am so sorry they ever happened in the first place.

The children looked like they had a fun time finding the treasure.

Grieving and healing are long processes. Coming December 1st, it would mark the 13th year of my mom's passing. My brother always calls me on that day and says, "You know what this day is..." We both still miss her and will forever.

Best to you, V!

kristi said...

such good advice victoria. x