Saturday, November 12, 2011


I'm learning some new skills, although perhaps not as quickly as I'd like. I feel it's a confession to admit here, with some people who know me in my real life listening, to say that I'm also talking to my professional about my marriage and issues that we have there. I feel that's a real confession, perhaps a slightly guilty one. If I'm honest though, it's more because I find it hard to admit that we need help, so that flows through to it being hard having others know that we need help.

There's no secret to our situation, to where we find ourselves, it's just that somewhere along the way we lost each other and couldn't find our way back without help. It's not a case of a lack of love, quite the opposite, we just both let life, our responsibilities as parents, commitments to employers and everyone else, get in the way of our responsibilities and commitments to each other.

So now we both talk to someone, different people, about the things going on in our lives. We're making changes, slowly. I am an eager person, keen to commit to things and get decisions moving, so I find the process challenging. I can feel personal changes and commit to trying to be different, but it takes time to unlearn bad habits, and I find that extremely frustrating. I just want us to be back where we were for all those years, now! Geoff's person described me as a green banana, in terms of that frustration with the process. I'm not sure I've evolved enough to appreciate that just yet.

Part of what we've relearned, for we used to have this skill, is to slow down, to relax. Our weekends were a constant whirl of feeling we had to do this and must finish doing that, and I've already learned that those are negative messages to send to oneself. We would get ourselves and the girls wound up with all the tension, the rushing, the pressure that we only put on ourselves, to get stuff done and honestly, it was just STUFF.

We are now slowing down. Last weekend was wonderful and this weekend is measuring up to be the same. Slow starts in bed, girls chatting under the covers about all sorts of things. Daddy going for a run, the girls and I making a picnic breakfast to have outside which we didn't eat until 10am. Pottering in the garden, the girls building lego, playing fairies in the bushes, everything just happening slowly and in such a relaxed manner. We even managed to read the papers without interuption!

This afternoon we're going to have some fun, we're rembering how to do that, and I'm loving every minute of it.


Sarah said...

Good to hear it is being dealt with head on.

I have noticed before our little man came along - we were starting to be able to refocus on each other. We even went away for a WHOLE month and the world of greatness it did for us! We totally reconnected - it was the BEST thing.

Having the little man has made me aware of how much you both do let go of each other to help the rest survive - so I have hope it will be short.

I also have to remind myself that no one is perfect. So the things that frustrate me about my man - wont be in another man but instead other things. I have to also remind myself how I would react to something is not how my hubby does. He is his own individual. Even after 14 years you still have to work at it... Life changes and people change so your relationship needs constant readjusting. This I find frustrating as I feel like I am still working him out!!!

Sandy said...

Sending you bunches of love. You are brave and strong and wonderful. It's hard to admit the the troubles, but you are moving in the right steps. Relax and enjoy.

Jo said...

Relationships are just like gardens... you can find the most beautiful garden, but if you don't tend it regularly then the weeds will crop up, if you neglect it too long the weeds take over and eventually it becomes a waste-land... however, with constant care and awareness, you can maintain your beautiful garden.

I have no doubt that you will find your way again, and getting professional help will make it so much better I'm sure.

Also, thank you for inspiring me... I read your post before I went to sleep last night, and this morning I made the time to lay in bed and have a chat to my littles {something I rarely make the time to do} and it has started our day with such a different mood. It's nice. Thank-you! x

Julia said...

Thanks for sharing this part of yourself. I find in my relationship there is always love, but the like for eachother can come and go. For us, taking the time to reconnect helps reignite the liking of eachother...we just need to make it a habit so we don't get to disliking the grumpiness/tiredness/busyness etc. x

Kiki said...

You are so courageous and so sweet. What a role model for the girls.