A little self indulgence

when it comes in the form of a nice bottle of red at just the right temperature; a once a year massage on holiday; an especially nice coffee with a friend, well those are all wonderful things that you can't possibly object to. I do, however, object to the self indulgence of mine today, more than a little wallowing.

Ella and I were sick with gastro for a few days starting on Geoff's birthday, which was March 31st. That then went to a cold/cough/chest thing for me which lasted weeks. The girls have now been sick for a week and Leila has a full on watery eyes, not happy, running nose, constantly grizzly thing. Ella has to be really sick before she gives in, her cold hasn't really gotten any worse than snuffles. Today I have reached my limits and I feel really crappy about it. It's been a month of everyone being off and I feel completely spent. I have zero patience and zero energy - in fact I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I go to work for the distraction.

Times like this make me feel like the worst mother in Melbourne, lacking in enough empathy, selfish, you name it, I heap it all on myself. I need to rise above these feelings I know, but sometimes you just can't help but allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself. I do love the colder weather, completely love it over summer, but this year it's become more of an issue having the two girls indoors when both are champing to be constantly outside. Last year Leila was small enough that it didn't matter, Ella and I could go on with things regardless while she slept, but this year with Leila not quite old enough for crafts, aside from the destruction of anything Ella makes and the distribution of all paints, papers and sparkles to all corners of the house, it does not always end well for all concerned.

I'm a big list person and I really think I need to plan my days a little better this colder season. I need to have a plan in mind for my day and always include getting out with the girls, for all our sanity. On the back of the last month it's become easy to just try and take it easy - but it doesn't work out that way so I should just get up and get out, anywhere, into the fresh air because fresh air always seems to bring a fresh state of mind.

Sorry to whine, feel free to share your moments with me when you're at your absolute worst. Whenever a girlfriend of mine tells me stories of bad moments she's had I usually say "I'm sorry you're having a rough day, but it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one".

You have to move fast

to catch them on film playing side by side so happily, it doesn't last long. It's not that they aren't good with each other, it's just that the age difference means that there are different rules for the play of each sister. Ella is now 4 years and 7 months and Leila is two days short of 16 months - a difference of, ummm, 3 years and 3 months (took me a while to get that!).

Favourite Passage No 2

The opening page of Alberta Moravia's "Contempt", one of my favourites.

During the first two yeas of our married life my relations with my wife were, I can now assert, perfect. By which I mean to say that, in those two years, a complete, profound harmony of the senses was accompanied by a kind of numbness - or should I say silence? - of the mind which, in such circumstances, causes an entire suspension of judgement and looks only to love for any estimate of the beloved person. Emilia, in fact, seemed to me wholly without defects, and so also, I believe, I appeared to her. Or perhaps I saw her defects and she saw mine, but, through some mysterious transformation produced by the feeling of love, such defects appeared to us both not merely forgivable but even lovable, as though instead of defects they had been positive qualities, if of a rather special kind. Anyhow, we did not judge: we loved each other. This story sets out to relate how, while I continued to love her and not to judge her, Emilia, on the other hand, discovered, or thought she discovered, certain defects in me, and judged me and in consequence ceased to love me.

Monday

Some days, today it's on a Monday, I just feel lucky. This is the reason I feel lucky today.

Isn't she lovely

We celebrated my mum's 70th birthday with our immediate family on the weekend with a lunch at their place, it was a lovely day.

I have just deleted a long story of my mother and our life, our family, but it didn't feel right. She's an amazing lady and in my father has found the most amazing of men. They are an awesome couple and I don't believe there is anything that could divide them. I'm lucky, in many ways, but having her as mother, that's been the foundation to it all.

Macro 2

Broad bean seeds up and out of the soil in less than 2 weeks.

Beets, cabbage, cauliflower, brocolli, carrots and potatoes all strong and healthy.

Macro 1

Inspired by this image today and thinking of Pina's participation in this macro project I managed a quick snap. I'm not sure that this really fits the macro bill but I love the shadows and no fuss of it. If I could take photos well, or if I had the time to try, I would like to take some like Jennifer or both these ladies or even these two . What company to keep.